print hate.

omfg. why are all printers pieces of shit?! seriously. i have never, ever owned a printer that worked consistently for more than a month.

my boyfriend recently replaced my old, cheap hp deskjet for some kind of shitty lexmark office bullshit. this sucker has a fucking fax machine attached. and little phone handset! like for a land line! i moved out of my parents’ house like six years ago and not once even used a land line since then.

anyway, this thing has all these annoying phrases like “PRINTING STARTED” and “THERE IS A PROBLEM WITH THE PRINTER” when it does shit. so basically what happens is every single time i try to print anything at all it says “PRINTING STARTED” and then “THERE IS A PROBLEM WITH THE PRINTER.” it usually wants me to clear out some imaginary paper jam or reload the the paper tray, which is FULL btw, but not this time. no, this time it’s just not printing.

oh, no reason in particular. the little screen is urging me to enter a fax number, and the print queue is just sitting there, mocking me, with its little “Printing!” status next to my document. BULLSHIT! YOU ARE NOT PRINTING! YOU ARE SIMPLY ABSORBING ELECTRICITY!

ugh and it’s nearly five am and i have five hours to be in class with this stupid five page paper i wrote about some god-awful eighteenth century novel and here we are! just sitting! not printing!

555. the mark of the inkjet beast.