i am a master chef.

oh my god i can’t even belive how awesome i am right now. i’m dining on a custom spinach pizza with garlic and tomatoes and too much parmesan cheese that i made ALL BY MYSELF. holy shit. here is the recipe so that this moment will be spread about the internets and i will be rejoiced by the white pizza-eating followers of the world. i suck at measurements and i didn’t measure any of this so suck it.

creamy spinach tomato pizza

spinach
olive oil
garlic
salt & pepper
heavy whipping cream
shredded mozzarella & parmesan
real bacon bits (optional)
pizza crust of choice (i just used pillsbury.)

throw that spinach and olive oil in a pan on medium heat, salt and pepper to taste, and stir occasionally until spinach becomes little dark green slivers. mince garlic and add that to the spinach (i wouldn’t start it in the pot with it.) slice tomatoes. while this is going on get your crust ready!

after spinach is slimy and delicious, throw in some heavy whipping cream. i don’t know how much, just to cover i guess. now pump up your heat and boil that shit until it’s reduced and thick. throw in a bunch of parmesan while it’s boiling, that way it’s more likely to work itself in and not just bunch up all over your spoon. once it had the consistency of spinach artichoke dip, turn off the heat and let it rest for a minute.

when it cools a bit, throw that shit on a crust, top with mozzarella, tomatoes, more parmesan, and bacon bits. bake until melty and golden brown. mmm.

this might be the most illiterate sounding recipe i’ve ever seen.